(AKA: NO ONE EVER READS THIS.)
NOTE: For brevity, Dogs and Cats Go Hollywood will be usually referred to as: The site or D&CGH.
NOW HEAR THIS
WE RESERVE THE RIGHT TO MESS AROUND WITH OUR WEBSITE
That’s because we are compulsive rewriters and are constantly trying out new things. We also reserve the right to delete anything on the site at any time. We can also, if we so chose, modify the terms governing a member’s use of our site. If we do mess with anything, we’ll let you know about it here. If you use this site after we make changes, your use will mean you’re okay with the changes. You might want to look at this page often to be sure you are always familiar with the current terms. You also might want to set fire to your hair and try to put it out with a track shoe.
Except for the advertising that keeps us alive and the occasional web surfer that lands here by accident and thinks were all a bit daft, D&CGH is for the personal use of Staff Members only. Don’t use any of the stuff on our site for any commercial reason unless we say it’s okay. Nobody, absolutely nobody can use registered members to solicit and/or promote anything without my and the member’s permission - and that specifically means collecting email addresses of members. You do that and we will throw a major hissy fit.
To access certain features of this site, you will have to create a D&CGH membership and a password. You, and not your dog and/or cat, are solely responsible for your password and for any activity that occurs on the site using your password. Notify D&CGH immediately via email at firstname.lastname@example.org of any unauthorized use of your account. You will be responsible for the losses of D&CGH or others due to any unauthorized use of your password or account although we can’t imagine what those losses might be. You agree, understand that D&CGH will be relying upon your agreeing to the stuff mentioned and represented in this Terms of Service. Don’t let us down or we may call your mother.
D&CGH does not knowingly collect any information from persons under the age of 13. However, if we unintentionally do, please do not drink or smoke this website.
STAFF MEMBER SUBMISSIONS
As a D&CGH staff member, you may submit content, including videos, pictures, other images, comments and text. You always own whatever you post with us, however you are also agreeing to allow us to use same for any promotional and/or commercial use, in perpetuity. This is to include, but is not limited to calendars, videos, mugs, t-shirts and tacky tattoos. If we do make any money off your stuff outside of the site, D&CGH will pay you a royalty not to exceed 1% of the gross profits.
In addition, you agree that:
- When you give us content using the "everyone" privacy setting, it means that you are allowing everyone, including people outside of D&CGH to see and use it.
- You have kept a copy of any videos and photos because it’s a huge pain for D&CGH to return stuff to you;
- D&CGH has the right to keep or delete Staff Member’s submissions and you hereby release D&CGH from any claims related thereto.
- D&CGH shall have the right to arrange, organize, or mess with any Staff Member’s submission any way it damn pleases as long as it doesn’t break any laws or hurt your feelings.
- D&CGH can publish or display comments or criticism submitted by other Staff Members relating to any Staff Member submission and you waive any claims against D&CGH for defamation. Just pretend it’s Thanksgiving at your parent’s house.
- You will not put any link on our site w/o our permission.
HOW TO BEHAVE
As a D&CGH Staff Member, you are solely responsible for your submissions and the consequences thereof. If you cat is upset with you, not our problem. In addition, you agree that:
- You are the author of your submissions and it’s an original work created by you. If we find out you deliberately sent us something you found floating around on the web we will immediately terminate your membership.
- Your submissions do not violate the rights of any person or other confidential information.
- Your submissions do not contain pornography or obscene content (I’ll be the judge of that) nor will you be nasty to anyone. Just be nice!
- Unless given specific permission by Ted Bergman, your submissions will not constitute or contain an advertisement or solicitation of business of any kind.
In the unlikely event that you do a whole bunch of things that upset us we have the right to kick you off the show and not only delete your submissions, but also make you give up your imaginary parking place.
INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY (The word “Intellectual” is debatable.)
Everything on our site is our property and please don’t mess with it w/o our permission. Unauthorized use of any content displayed by D&CGH is a violation of United States and international copyright laws and in Texas they will kill you for it.
AND, BY THE WAY:
YOUR ACCESS TO AND USE OF THE SITE AND SERVICES ARE AT YOUR OWN RISK. IF YOU ARE DISSATISFIED WITH THE SITE OR SERVICES, STOP USING IT. Duh # 2.
D&CGH can, but is not obligated to remove from the site any staff submissions without notice. D&CGH will, but is not responsible for: monitoring, filtering, or pre-screening member submissions; or members submitting any tacky content.
If you are still awake and have any questions or comments about these Terms of Service, please email us at email@example.com
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